Well-it has been forever since I was on here and a lot has happened but let me catch you up on Cesar first.
He is doing great. Barefoot and sound and back under saddle!!! I rode him this week on Friday for the first time since my surgery. Yay! He is going to build his strength up slowly and I am going to go along with him and figure out how to ride again!! Hooray. The weirdest part is that when I put my tall boots on on Friday I realized that my left leg is bigger than my right leg. This seems odd to me. I am sure it is due somehow to the surgeries, the time off, the stroke....but I can not figure out exactly what is causing it. I measured my calves and the left one is 1/2 an inch bigger than the right. Weird huh?
As for me, I am also doing great. I ran/walked a 5k this weekend. My goal was to finish in under 40 minutes and we crossed the finish at just over 35minutes. I was pretty happy with that. I have also signed up for a Gladiator 5k that is in May. So, I am getting my strength back. Now quite where I want to be yet, but getting there!
Also, I got a new job. Specialty Pharmacy. You can see our website at www.specialtypharmacync.com. It is amazing. I get to interact with patients and help them to make healthy lifestyle choices. We are also doing pet pharmacy so I went to a compounding course for veterinary specific stuff and I am now a full fellow of the American College of Veterinary pharmacist.
Hubby is still not deployed but he has been traveling a lot-so things are back to my normal.
I will try and do better about posting on here and keeping everyone up to date on my and Cesar's comeback!
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
02/11/11
Yesterday I went to the eye doctor and got the okay to wear my contacts again! Hooray!! He was VERY happy that the mesh had been removed and that it was no longer effecting the shape of my eye. So, back to contacts :-). It is funny though, I feel like I am starting all over and having to get used to the all over again after having so much time without them.
I tried to make my follow up appt with my neurosurgeon-AGAIN, but when I called Wednesday the only appt they had in all of Feb was Thursday AM at 930. Considering that my surgeon is 6 hours away-I said no thank you. They said to try back in March. Good grief. It is going to be a 3 month post op follow-up! Oh well. Apparently, he only does one clinic day a month.
I didn't do too many exercises with Cesar yesterday. He seems a little sore so I may give him until Sunday before we do too much. Maybe just massaging and stretching for a few days. Poor guy. I wish I had some idea on how to get him all better. He is just still a little sore on his right front. Our only guess is that it is an unhealed bruise or that his sole is just really sore. His left front is the only one that suffered any rotation, and that has been clear on his last two sets of x-rays-so I hope that time and softer ground will help him. It will be nice when the ground isn't frozen every morning!!
So, I am off to work today for only 6 hours, but at least I will be wearing my contacts!!
TGIF!
I tried to make my follow up appt with my neurosurgeon-AGAIN, but when I called Wednesday the only appt they had in all of Feb was Thursday AM at 930. Considering that my surgeon is 6 hours away-I said no thank you. They said to try back in March. Good grief. It is going to be a 3 month post op follow-up! Oh well. Apparently, he only does one clinic day a month.
I didn't do too many exercises with Cesar yesterday. He seems a little sore so I may give him until Sunday before we do too much. Maybe just massaging and stretching for a few days. Poor guy. I wish I had some idea on how to get him all better. He is just still a little sore on his right front. Our only guess is that it is an unhealed bruise or that his sole is just really sore. His left front is the only one that suffered any rotation, and that has been clear on his last two sets of x-rays-so I hope that time and softer ground will help him. It will be nice when the ground isn't frozen every morning!!
So, I am off to work today for only 6 hours, but at least I will be wearing my contacts!!
TGIF!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
02/06/11
What a great weekend. Yesterday work went well. I was a little stressed but, health-wise, it went okay. Then, two of my friends came over to do Cesar's exercises with me. He did well but there was a storm coming in so all the horses were being a little silly.
Today, Vicki came over and we did Cesar's exercises together. He did amazing today-And, he was SOUND! A great day! He is getting better and better and the neck stretches, and I think that the same will happen with all the leg stretches. He is still loving every minute of his "physical therapy." I guess he gets that from me because I love it too! I will be sad this Tuesday b/c it is my last day!
Then, I helped Hubby clean the barn and the pastures and then went to the spa! Today I decided to go ahead and include the scalp massage portion. It went okay. I am definitely still sensitive in some areas (especially anywhere in front of my incision site-the temple is the worst!) but overall I think it is so relaxing to have a scalp massage that it was worth it! She was careful and did a great job.
So, now I will stay up and watch the Super Bowl just so that I can see the newest Budwieser commercial with the horses. I have to say I am one of those people who just watch for the commercials. The sad thing is that Hubby wanted hamburgers for the game and I still can't open my mouth very wide-so I will have a heck of a time eating a burger...fries and baked beans for me :-). Hopefully someday my jaw will be fixed so that I can open it like normal!
Today, Vicki came over and we did Cesar's exercises together. He did amazing today-And, he was SOUND! A great day! He is getting better and better and the neck stretches, and I think that the same will happen with all the leg stretches. He is still loving every minute of his "physical therapy." I guess he gets that from me because I love it too! I will be sad this Tuesday b/c it is my last day!
Then, I helped Hubby clean the barn and the pastures and then went to the spa! Today I decided to go ahead and include the scalp massage portion. It went okay. I am definitely still sensitive in some areas (especially anywhere in front of my incision site-the temple is the worst!) but overall I think it is so relaxing to have a scalp massage that it was worth it! She was careful and did a great job.
So, now I will stay up and watch the Super Bowl just so that I can see the newest Budwieser commercial with the horses. I have to say I am one of those people who just watch for the commercials. The sad thing is that Hubby wanted hamburgers for the game and I still can't open my mouth very wide-so I will have a heck of a time eating a burger...fries and baked beans for me :-). Hopefully someday my jaw will be fixed so that I can open it like normal!
Friday, February 4, 2011
02/04/11
Any of you other clipping survivors get really bad headaches everytime a low pressure weather system comes in? Yuck. These headaches are horrible! I hardly had headaches before my surgery and now I have these horrible ones.
Blah!
Blah!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
02/03/11
Wow-blogging takes time-and apparently, I don't have any!
So, last week ended well. I worked Saturday and all went well.
This week I worked 9 hours on Monday. I came home and CRASHED! I was SO tired. The weird thing is that over night my face got all swollen again. It hasn't been puffy for a long time now, but I guess at work I talked more or just moved around a lot and it got so swollen. So, Tuesday I went to physical therapy. It went okay but it was obvious how tired I had made myself on Monday.
Then, Tuesday after my physical therapy, I started Cesar's (my horse) physical therapy. He loved it. My trainer Vicki Kelley came over to help me and we did a combination of massage, acupressure, stretching and some light exercise. It was amazing. I got three books recently to read before we got started and then put some exercises together and made a rehab plan for Cesar. I thought since physical therapy has helped me so so so much, he deserves to have it also. I really think it is going to help him a lot. I am planning on doing around 2 months of these exercises and then we will start under saddle again but continue these exercises. If anyone wants more detail about what I am doing-please let me know and I will happily pass it on. I am so excited about it. Cesar still isn't totally sound so we are going to have to see how it goes-we may not ever do dressage again-but we can certainly do physical therapy! Wish us luck!
Today I had a nephrology appt at UNC. Everything went great. My kidneys are hanging in there! Keep up the good work guys :-)
So, last week ended well. I worked Saturday and all went well.
This week I worked 9 hours on Monday. I came home and CRASHED! I was SO tired. The weird thing is that over night my face got all swollen again. It hasn't been puffy for a long time now, but I guess at work I talked more or just moved around a lot and it got so swollen. So, Tuesday I went to physical therapy. It went okay but it was obvious how tired I had made myself on Monday.
Then, Tuesday after my physical therapy, I started Cesar's (my horse) physical therapy. He loved it. My trainer Vicki Kelley came over to help me and we did a combination of massage, acupressure, stretching and some light exercise. It was amazing. I got three books recently to read before we got started and then put some exercises together and made a rehab plan for Cesar. I thought since physical therapy has helped me so so so much, he deserves to have it also. I really think it is going to help him a lot. I am planning on doing around 2 months of these exercises and then we will start under saddle again but continue these exercises. If anyone wants more detail about what I am doing-please let me know and I will happily pass it on. I am so excited about it. Cesar still isn't totally sound so we are going to have to see how it goes-we may not ever do dressage again-but we can certainly do physical therapy! Wish us luck!
Today I had a nephrology appt at UNC. Everything went great. My kidneys are hanging in there! Keep up the good work guys :-)
Friday, January 28, 2011
01/28/11
Work Wednesday went well. I am still struggling with my heart rate, but it is slowly improving.
Yesterday, I had physical therapy and we started concentrating more on endurance type activities. I really enjoy physical therapy. I also miss my acupuncture. I need to get back in for a session of that. It really makes a difference to me.
Since I enjoy physical therapy so much, I have decided to start with some PT for Cesar (my horse) as we start to get him back into shape. He suffered from laminitis last summer and we were finally starting to get that taken care of and he was back to light work before my first surgery. The day after my first surgery, he received his first set of clean x-rays-ALL of his rotation was corrected! So, he was already in need of some PT but as we all know, I haven't really been in a place to do it for him. Next week we will start with his therapy. I got three different books to guide me and I am excited to get started. I think he is going to really enjoy it. He loves doing anything where he is the center of attention!
Goal for 2011-Shelley and Cesar get their fittest ever!!
Today I have work for 6 hours which should be okay. Tomorrow, I work also for about 5-6 hours. Then next week I will start back to full days on Mon, Wed, Friday and the same hours on Saturday.
Also, we have put our house on the market so we will hopefully have some showings coming up soon and we can start house shopping too!
Big changes in our household!!
Here's to 2011!!
Yesterday, I had physical therapy and we started concentrating more on endurance type activities. I really enjoy physical therapy. I also miss my acupuncture. I need to get back in for a session of that. It really makes a difference to me.
Since I enjoy physical therapy so much, I have decided to start with some PT for Cesar (my horse) as we start to get him back into shape. He suffered from laminitis last summer and we were finally starting to get that taken care of and he was back to light work before my first surgery. The day after my first surgery, he received his first set of clean x-rays-ALL of his rotation was corrected! So, he was already in need of some PT but as we all know, I haven't really been in a place to do it for him. Next week we will start with his therapy. I got three different books to guide me and I am excited to get started. I think he is going to really enjoy it. He loves doing anything where he is the center of attention!
Goal for 2011-Shelley and Cesar get their fittest ever!!
Today I have work for 6 hours which should be okay. Tomorrow, I work also for about 5-6 hours. Then next week I will start back to full days on Mon, Wed, Friday and the same hours on Saturday.
Also, we have put our house on the market so we will hopefully have some showings coming up soon and we can start house shopping too!
Big changes in our household!!
Here's to 2011!!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
01/26/11
Wow, it is easy to get behind on here!
Saturday at work went well. We were busy but not overly busy. I made it thru with no issues. I was very thankful for that.
Sunday was a big day for us. We got our house ready to put on the market-yes, sadly we are selling. It is not going to be easy to leave with all the work and time we have put in here, but I guess it is time to move on. When life throws all this stuff at you at once, you have to give in somewhere. So, we are looking for a townhouse or a small garden home that has a lot less maintenance than 6 acres and a barn! I will cry when we leave (I cried when I made a slideshow of the pictures I took Sunday) but I think in the end it will be for the best. I cleaned all 3 stalls on Sunday and Hubby dumped the buckets for me. It still makes my heart race to lift heavy objects. It was funny though because I wanted to try on my new helmet and make sure that it didn't hurt my head, so I wore it the entire time I cleaned the stalls. Good news is that it didn't hurt my incision site or my forehead at all, so I am ready to get on that horse next week!
I ordered some books on rehabbing and physical therapy for horses. Poor Cesar had gotten so out of shape, he needs physical therapy too. I will help him to get back in shape starting next week with the help of the books and my trainer Vicki. She will be a huge help and comfort when I start riding again. So nice to have someone you can trust on the ground.
On Monday I worked 6 hours and it went well. I had a pretty big issue with my back from all the work I did on Sunday, but it loosened up over the day and I was okay by closing time.
Yesterday I had physical therapy again. It is still going well. My balance is still a problem, but it is getting so much better. I still need to work on strength and endurance. I really need to start working on those things more at home! I would love for the weather to behave so I can get out and start walking around the neighborhood everyday. I just get tired so quickly when I have to wear 4 layers of jackets. I know it sounds crazy, but they get heavy!
Today I head back to work for 6 hours again. I think it will go fine. I tried to rest a little more yesterday than I have been.
Off to get ready for work. What am I going to do next week when I have to be in at 9??? I am spoiled now!
Saturday at work went well. We were busy but not overly busy. I made it thru with no issues. I was very thankful for that.
Sunday was a big day for us. We got our house ready to put on the market-yes, sadly we are selling. It is not going to be easy to leave with all the work and time we have put in here, but I guess it is time to move on. When life throws all this stuff at you at once, you have to give in somewhere. So, we are looking for a townhouse or a small garden home that has a lot less maintenance than 6 acres and a barn! I will cry when we leave (I cried when I made a slideshow of the pictures I took Sunday) but I think in the end it will be for the best. I cleaned all 3 stalls on Sunday and Hubby dumped the buckets for me. It still makes my heart race to lift heavy objects. It was funny though because I wanted to try on my new helmet and make sure that it didn't hurt my head, so I wore it the entire time I cleaned the stalls. Good news is that it didn't hurt my incision site or my forehead at all, so I am ready to get on that horse next week!
I ordered some books on rehabbing and physical therapy for horses. Poor Cesar had gotten so out of shape, he needs physical therapy too. I will help him to get back in shape starting next week with the help of the books and my trainer Vicki. She will be a huge help and comfort when I start riding again. So nice to have someone you can trust on the ground.
On Monday I worked 6 hours and it went well. I had a pretty big issue with my back from all the work I did on Sunday, but it loosened up over the day and I was okay by closing time.
Yesterday I had physical therapy again. It is still going well. My balance is still a problem, but it is getting so much better. I still need to work on strength and endurance. I really need to start working on those things more at home! I would love for the weather to behave so I can get out and start walking around the neighborhood everyday. I just get tired so quickly when I have to wear 4 layers of jackets. I know it sounds crazy, but they get heavy!
Today I head back to work for 6 hours again. I think it will go fine. I tried to rest a little more yesterday than I have been.
Off to get ready for work. What am I going to do next week when I have to be in at 9??? I am spoiled now!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
NERVOUS!
Okay-I need to calm down. I am so nervous about working today! We were so busy last Saturday and I was okay but I am already tired this time....wish me luck!
I was so worried about it, I couldn't sleep that well last night.
Also, have any of you craniotomy survivors had a numbness on the top of your head-above the incision site? Mine is still numb feeling but last night I had this strange itching sensation that I could feel, but I couldn't feel my hand scratching it. It was the strangest thing. That didn't help me sleep either!
Here I go!!!!
I was so worried about it, I couldn't sleep that well last night.
Also, have any of you craniotomy survivors had a numbness on the top of your head-above the incision site? Mine is still numb feeling but last night I had this strange itching sensation that I could feel, but I couldn't feel my hand scratching it. It was the strangest thing. That didn't help me sleep either!
Here I go!!!!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
01/20/11
Success! Today, I drove by myself for the first time and everyone survived! Of course, Hubby was following me for part of the way-but I did it!
Then, I went to Walmart and then cleaned 2 stalls and I am still awake at 9:30! Getting back to normal I think!! Hooray!!!
Also, in physical therapy today I used ankle weights.
Whoa-lots of excitement-lets hope I don't crash tomorrow!! Back to work tomorrow and Saturday. I am so excited that I finally feel like I am getting stronger.
I still have pain around my eye under my incision site. I am worried that my helmet is going to hurt too much on Feb 1st when I put it on to get back on my horse. I hope not! I certainly won't ride without it. I never do that anyway, and having gone thru head surgery TWICE I don't think I will feel any need to not wear a helmet now for sure. I wish I could just wear one all the time just in case! Ha!
I am looking for an 8K or a 10K to set my sights on as a goal race for sometime this year-maybe late summer. I really want to do a half marathon around Thanksgiving. If anyone knows of a good goal race, please pass it on to me.
No, I am not going to fast or pushing myself :-). He he.
Lets all have a great day tomorrow to start the weekend off happily!!
Then, I went to Walmart and then cleaned 2 stalls and I am still awake at 9:30! Getting back to normal I think!! Hooray!!!
Also, in physical therapy today I used ankle weights.
Whoa-lots of excitement-lets hope I don't crash tomorrow!! Back to work tomorrow and Saturday. I am so excited that I finally feel like I am getting stronger.
I still have pain around my eye under my incision site. I am worried that my helmet is going to hurt too much on Feb 1st when I put it on to get back on my horse. I hope not! I certainly won't ride without it. I never do that anyway, and having gone thru head surgery TWICE I don't think I will feel any need to not wear a helmet now for sure. I wish I could just wear one all the time just in case! Ha!
I am looking for an 8K or a 10K to set my sights on as a goal race for sometime this year-maybe late summer. I really want to do a half marathon around Thanksgiving. If anyone knows of a good goal race, please pass it on to me.
No, I am not going to fast or pushing myself :-). He he.
Lets all have a great day tomorrow to start the weekend off happily!!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
01/18/11
The past few days have been going well. Friday, we welcomed our second niece into the family! Congrats to my brother and sister in law. We can't wait to get out to see her. I worked Monday for a little over 3 hours with no problems. I have finally beaten this virus which is really helping me to feel stronger. Hubby is still pretty sore from his run Saturday but he is doing okay. I have been trying to help him around here a little more so he can recover.
Today was a great day! I started it off with physical therapy. We worked on some slightly harder exercises and used ankle weights-which of course set off my HR alarm! Over the weekend I talked to a family member of mine who is a cardiologist. She was able to give me some insight into why my heart rate has been so high and she gave me some labs to have done so that we can rule out some issues. I will have to get in to my doctor soon to get them ordered. Her main thought was that this is just me being so unconditioned and that my body has been through so much lately it just needs time. So, I didn't worry too much when my alarm went off today. I just trusted how I was feeling.
After physical therapy Hubby and I had a meeting but then we headed to the spa! Yes, another spa day!!! But, he needed to go after that run and who was I to say no??? Ha ha. So, I had another massage. It was wonderful. They really spoil you over there at Pinehurst!
Now we are home making dinner and listening to Trevor (our german shepherd) cry to go outside and then come back in-and repeat over and over....
Work again tomorrow! It is nice to be getting back into somewhat of a routine.
Today was a great day! I started it off with physical therapy. We worked on some slightly harder exercises and used ankle weights-which of course set off my HR alarm! Over the weekend I talked to a family member of mine who is a cardiologist. She was able to give me some insight into why my heart rate has been so high and she gave me some labs to have done so that we can rule out some issues. I will have to get in to my doctor soon to get them ordered. Her main thought was that this is just me being so unconditioned and that my body has been through so much lately it just needs time. So, I didn't worry too much when my alarm went off today. I just trusted how I was feeling.
After physical therapy Hubby and I had a meeting but then we headed to the spa! Yes, another spa day!!! But, he needed to go after that run and who was I to say no??? Ha ha. So, I had another massage. It was wonderful. They really spoil you over there at Pinehurst!
Now we are home making dinner and listening to Trevor (our german shepherd) cry to go outside and then come back in-and repeat over and over....
Work again tomorrow! It is nice to be getting back into somewhat of a routine.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
First Saturday Back at Work
Today went very well considering I had my first Saturday back at work. Now, according to my doctor's note, I don't have to return to work until the 1st of February, but I am an overachiever....
So, the day started with Hubby and Father in Law leaving around 6:15 AM to head out for Hubby's 100k. So, I got up at 6:45 and started getting ready for work. I was getting more and more nervous about driving myself and then when I tried to brush my teeth, it became apparent that I am not yet ready for driving! I thought my toothpaste covered brush was going in my mouth, but it hit my cheek instead! Crazy spacial awareness! It is still coming back-just very slowly! So, my wonderful mommie came to pick me up and take me to work.
I headed down and we got the horses turned out when she got here. I was able to throw the hay without falling on the ice, although my heart rate monitor was going crazy.
Then I made it thru work. I was so tired by the end, but the day went smoothly overall. We were just VERY busy! My mom came to pick me up after work.
Afterwork, we headed over to kiss Hubby on one of his laps and bring them some lunch. Then, mom and I got a quick pedicure to celebrate my surviving a Saturday as the only pharmacist.
We finally arrived home around 5pm. We went straight down to bring the horses in and finish up barn chores and feeding. Luckily, my mom and brother did most of the barn stuff for me today since I am not really allowed to lift yet. Not too many barn chores that don't involve lifting!
Cesar (my horse) was happy to have me leading him in. He is so affectionate. I used to see him everyday but since I have been sick I haven't always made it to the barn, so now when I do, he is SO happy. I have never seen anything like it. He will actually leave his food to 'speak' to me. He nickers like crazy to me like he is telling me a story. So cute. I know he is bored. He is so out of shape also. We have a long long road ahead of us but I can't wait to get started. I have had Cesar since he was a yearling and he will be 7 in March, so we have a history going. He is the biggest spoiled brat ever, but I love him anyway :-). Being in my dressage saddle on his back is going to be like heaven! And, I upgraded to a newer better helmet too-just in case :-).
I was in bed by 7 but hubby is now done with his 100K and on the way home. Plus, it is time for night check at the barn. So, down to the horses I go-and then back to bed!
So, the day started with Hubby and Father in Law leaving around 6:15 AM to head out for Hubby's 100k. So, I got up at 6:45 and started getting ready for work. I was getting more and more nervous about driving myself and then when I tried to brush my teeth, it became apparent that I am not yet ready for driving! I thought my toothpaste covered brush was going in my mouth, but it hit my cheek instead! Crazy spacial awareness! It is still coming back-just very slowly! So, my wonderful mommie came to pick me up and take me to work.
I headed down and we got the horses turned out when she got here. I was able to throw the hay without falling on the ice, although my heart rate monitor was going crazy.
Then I made it thru work. I was so tired by the end, but the day went smoothly overall. We were just VERY busy! My mom came to pick me up after work.
Afterwork, we headed over to kiss Hubby on one of his laps and bring them some lunch. Then, mom and I got a quick pedicure to celebrate my surviving a Saturday as the only pharmacist.
We finally arrived home around 5pm. We went straight down to bring the horses in and finish up barn chores and feeding. Luckily, my mom and brother did most of the barn stuff for me today since I am not really allowed to lift yet. Not too many barn chores that don't involve lifting!
Cesar (my horse) was happy to have me leading him in. He is so affectionate. I used to see him everyday but since I have been sick I haven't always made it to the barn, so now when I do, he is SO happy. I have never seen anything like it. He will actually leave his food to 'speak' to me. He nickers like crazy to me like he is telling me a story. So cute. I know he is bored. He is so out of shape also. We have a long long road ahead of us but I can't wait to get started. I have had Cesar since he was a yearling and he will be 7 in March, so we have a history going. He is the biggest spoiled brat ever, but I love him anyway :-). Being in my dressage saddle on his back is going to be like heaven! And, I upgraded to a newer better helmet too-just in case :-).
I was in bed by 7 but hubby is now done with his 100K and on the way home. Plus, it is time for night check at the barn. So, down to the horses I go-and then back to bed!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Ecogold
Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read my blog-and anyone coming from the Ecogold FB page-I promise that as soon as possible, these posts will be more about my journey to get back to riding my horse and getting back in shape. We can all find entertainment in the fun that is re-learning to ride! I can't wait and I am so excited to have you all here with me for the story.
Just since starting this blog this week, I have found it SO much easier to focus on the positive things. I have just had such a hard time seeing progress until I typed it out. I have gone from half marathon training and riding 4 days a week to walking with a cane and having trouble standing without falling and now I am back to work and hoping to ride. But, I was so focused on what I still can't do until I really put it together in this story. It is going to be a fun ride from here on, and I am grateful to have you all to share it with.
Just since starting this blog this week, I have found it SO much easier to focus on the positive things. I have just had such a hard time seeing progress until I typed it out. I have gone from half marathon training and riding 4 days a week to walking with a cane and having trouble standing without falling and now I am back to work and hoping to ride. But, I was so focused on what I still can't do until I really put it together in this story. It is going to be a fun ride from here on, and I am grateful to have you all to share it with.
Great Day
Today, I feel great. I think I am going to be able to put this nasty cold virus behind me now and that should help my recovery. It really hit me hard! I think my body was just saying "oh, now what?" But, at least I am at the end of it! I used the Immuni-C powders. They really really seemed to help. Gotta love Vit C and Zinc to fend off a cold!
I have kept an eye on my HR today, and it seems to be doing okay. I am just going slowly when I walk and trying not to overdo anything. My hubby is running a 100K tomorrow, so he can overdo it enough for both of us :-).
I made it thru a little over 3 hours of work today with out feeling horrible. Tomorrow I will do six hours! Wish me luck!
I am hoping that I will continue to feel better and that maybe next week I can start walking a mile a few days a week in addition to physical therapy. I have got to get back to my old healthy self! And, my goal is to get back on Cesar (my horse) in February. I just have to make sure I am strong enough.
Also, tomorrow I am allowed to drive again, so I will be out on the roads! Oh boy!!
I have kept an eye on my HR today, and it seems to be doing okay. I am just going slowly when I walk and trying not to overdo anything. My hubby is running a 100K tomorrow, so he can overdo it enough for both of us :-).
I made it thru a little over 3 hours of work today with out feeling horrible. Tomorrow I will do six hours! Wish me luck!
I am hoping that I will continue to feel better and that maybe next week I can start walking a mile a few days a week in addition to physical therapy. I have got to get back to my old healthy self! And, my goal is to get back on Cesar (my horse) in February. I just have to make sure I am strong enough.
Also, tomorrow I am allowed to drive again, so I will be out on the roads! Oh boy!!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Spa Day was a Success
Today was a very relaxing and successful day. I made it thru physical therapy. We are continuing to work on my balance and strength. My heart rate continues to be an issue. It is still running very high. I am going to give it a couple more weeks and then if it is not resolved, I will have to see a cardiologist. Crazy! Seems like enough things were messed up from my surgery without me needing a cardiologist. That is my luck. So, we just kept an eye on it and did as much physical therapy as we could while keeping it below 140. When I hit 140, I start to get very dizzy, so my goal is to try and stay under 130 that way I have some time to calm it down before we hit 140.
Then, to the spa! My massage went very very well. It really helps my back and my neck-and my stress level too. If only I could do that every week. Then, I would be set :-).
Tomorrow should be an easy day-lets keep our fingers crossed!
Then, to the spa! My massage went very very well. It really helps my back and my neck-and my stress level too. If only I could do that every week. Then, I would be set :-).
Tomorrow should be an easy day-lets keep our fingers crossed!
Big day today
Today should turn out to be a great day. First, I have PT and then lunch with my mom followed by a massage! Spa day with Mom! What a treat!!
I am heading out without my hubby today though which makes me a little nervous. I am still not driving, so Mom will pick me up and cart me around and keep me safe. Still, I haven't gone to PT without him yet....hopefully today will go smoothly and I won't pass out. I will probably take it easier without him there to rescue me if I overdo it. Nice having your own paramedic :-). I will report back on how it goes.
I am heading out without my hubby today though which makes me a little nervous. I am still not driving, so Mom will pick me up and cart me around and keep me safe. Still, I haven't gone to PT without him yet....hopefully today will go smoothly and I won't pass out. I will probably take it easier without him there to rescue me if I overdo it. Nice having your own paramedic :-). I will report back on how it goes.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
End of the Back story-Real Recovery Begins!
Now it is Christmas day and I am mesh free and ready to get started with my real recovery. I know that I was in a recovery phase before from the first surgery, but with all the pain and stress of that mesh, it felt as though I was just waiting for another surgery rather than feeling like I was actually recovering.
The nausea I had been dealing with since the first surgery was finally starting to decrease. This nausea stemmed from the amount of extra fluid I had in my head causing me to always feel like I was on a boat. It was a weird feeling and not one that I would wish on anyone. I had basically just gotten used to vomiting at least once nearly every day. More if I tried to move around and do anything. You have never vomited until you do it with sutures in your head!! OUCH! Coughing, yawning, and sneezing take on new meaning as well. The only thing that worked was the nausea patch. I started having more side effects than I wanted from the patch though, so I wasn't able to wear it as much as I would have liked. The extra fluid was left in when they had to pull the drain they had put in to remove it when I had the stroke after my first surgery. Part of the reason I had that brain bleed was because the drain was working too well! So, I knew it would just take time for the fluid to be reabsorbed. It is getting better every day and now I hardly notice it. So, that part is taken care of. SO, now I am mesh free and nausea free!
With all that excitement, I start to over-do it! I over work myself at physical therapy and just in life at home and end up tiring myself out again. Now, I have caught this virus that is going around town and my nose is running, my throat is killing me, I am coughing, and just have that feeling that I have been hit by a truck! Not what I needed!
So, from this point on, I have promised myself and my husband to start taking everything more slowly. Rushing it only made me go backwards! So, I have decided that ANY forward motion is better than nothing and I am going to tell that new motto to myself a million times a day until I listen to myself. I have to!
I hope that you will join me in my journey to get back to my old self. I need to get my butt back in the saddle on my horse (who misses me) and in life. I will keep this journal/blog going so that it keeps me honest and on track. Our goal: to be riding and running and loving life again but to get there at a slow and steady pace!!
Thank you for any comments and support. Wish me luck!! And, anyone out there who may have to undergo this or a similar surgery, I welcome your questions and suggestions.
The nausea I had been dealing with since the first surgery was finally starting to decrease. This nausea stemmed from the amount of extra fluid I had in my head causing me to always feel like I was on a boat. It was a weird feeling and not one that I would wish on anyone. I had basically just gotten used to vomiting at least once nearly every day. More if I tried to move around and do anything. You have never vomited until you do it with sutures in your head!! OUCH! Coughing, yawning, and sneezing take on new meaning as well. The only thing that worked was the nausea patch. I started having more side effects than I wanted from the patch though, so I wasn't able to wear it as much as I would have liked. The extra fluid was left in when they had to pull the drain they had put in to remove it when I had the stroke after my first surgery. Part of the reason I had that brain bleed was because the drain was working too well! So, I knew it would just take time for the fluid to be reabsorbed. It is getting better every day and now I hardly notice it. So, that part is taken care of. SO, now I am mesh free and nausea free!
With all that excitement, I start to over-do it! I over work myself at physical therapy and just in life at home and end up tiring myself out again. Now, I have caught this virus that is going around town and my nose is running, my throat is killing me, I am coughing, and just have that feeling that I have been hit by a truck! Not what I needed!
So, from this point on, I have promised myself and my husband to start taking everything more slowly. Rushing it only made me go backwards! So, I have decided that ANY forward motion is better than nothing and I am going to tell that new motto to myself a million times a day until I listen to myself. I have to!
I hope that you will join me in my journey to get back to my old self. I need to get my butt back in the saddle on my horse (who misses me) and in life. I will keep this journal/blog going so that it keeps me honest and on track. Our goal: to be riding and running and loving life again but to get there at a slow and steady pace!!
Thank you for any comments and support. Wish me luck!! And, anyone out there who may have to undergo this or a similar surgery, I welcome your questions and suggestions.
Back Story-Surgery Number 2
So, I had gotten my wish, the moving, painful, horrible, scary mesh was coming out. Why was I suddenly wanting to keep it??? Well, to be honest, I hadn't made a ton of progress in my eyes from the first surgery, but I was starting to get back to normal. I was able to stand in the shower, although not for long and not with my eyes closed, and after the shower I needed a nap. I was able to keep food down thanks to my Trans-Scop patch that calmed my nausea. I was even able to walk to the barn but doing so made me exhausted. Physical therapy was going well and I was showing some improvements there. So, the thought of going backwards was very scary. I still hadn't gotten my voice back from the first intubation, and here they were about to do it again! But, I knew I had to do it-so in to the OR I went once again.
This time, it went great! I was awake in post-op and I remember everything. I did have a small arrhythmia pre and post op and I could hear my hubby discussing it with the nurse in PACU. Hooray! And, they used a better technique so my voice was even better than before surgery. Best of all, the pain from them re-opening my 6 inch incision site was less severe or the same as the pain I had been living with from the mesh. I could smell recovery in my future. I was thrilled-in pain, nauseous, and tired but thrilled! This time, they closed it with staples, which hurt a little more than the sutures but I was only slightly upset by that-mostly just happy the mesh was OUT!
Now, we had some issues with the hospital this time also. It seemed impossible for me to get an order for a soft food diet even though I was instructed not to chew! The mesh had cut into my jaw muscle so it had to be remobilized. It is still healing...And, I asked for some nausea medication at 11:30AM and received it at 2pm. Not helpful. So, when the PA came in to check me on Wednesday afternoon, she acknowledged that my hubby could care for me just as well if not better than they were, so she let me be discharged. Back to the in-laws we went.
They had been kind enough to allow us to come back to their place with Trevor. The day after my discharge, I was still having a lot of nausea so we held off until Friday (Christmas Eve) to make the journey home. The drive was uneventful and we were soon back at home ready to put all of this behind us and actually begin the recovery process.
This time, it went great! I was awake in post-op and I remember everything. I did have a small arrhythmia pre and post op and I could hear my hubby discussing it with the nurse in PACU. Hooray! And, they used a better technique so my voice was even better than before surgery. Best of all, the pain from them re-opening my 6 inch incision site was less severe or the same as the pain I had been living with from the mesh. I could smell recovery in my future. I was thrilled-in pain, nauseous, and tired but thrilled! This time, they closed it with staples, which hurt a little more than the sutures but I was only slightly upset by that-mostly just happy the mesh was OUT!
Now, we had some issues with the hospital this time also. It seemed impossible for me to get an order for a soft food diet even though I was instructed not to chew! The mesh had cut into my jaw muscle so it had to be remobilized. It is still healing...And, I asked for some nausea medication at 11:30AM and received it at 2pm. Not helpful. So, when the PA came in to check me on Wednesday afternoon, she acknowledged that my hubby could care for me just as well if not better than they were, so she let me be discharged. Back to the in-laws we went.
They had been kind enough to allow us to come back to their place with Trevor. The day after my discharge, I was still having a lot of nausea so we held off until Friday (Christmas Eve) to make the journey home. The drive was uneventful and we were soon back at home ready to put all of this behind us and actually begin the recovery process.
More Back Story-Recovery Begins
To be honest, I don't remember much of the week we spent at my in-laws. I am pretty sure I slept most of the time. The pain from my surgery was bad but not as horrible as the pain in my back from lying in the same position all that time in ICU. Every move was a huge effort. I had swelling and nausea as to be expected from that procedure. My balance was terrible, so I didn't ever try to do much without my husband helping me. We stayed up there until my sutures could be removed and then started to plan our drive home.
We returned home and to our own bed. I was still not able to do much of anything, but my mom was here to help out so luckily my support group was able to keep everything running smoothly all around me while I tried to get better.
My energy level was horrible and I was definitely dealing with depression. I had gone from always on the go to doing nothing. Horrible. My body just had no strength. Physical therapy and acupuncture really helped me get thru those first several weeks. I cried all the time. I cried because I couldn't walk to the barn. I cried because I couldn't stand in the shower. I even cried because I couldn't sit up and eat a waffle my husband had made and brought to me in bed. I cried over everything. It was ridiculous. I knew how crazy I was acting, and that made me cry! I was still having nightmares from the angiogram too.
As the swelling went down, I could start to feel a hard object over my right eye. I wasn't sure what it was, but to me it felt like a screw that may have come loose. It was moving also, and it moved along my eyebrow toward my temple. It was causing me a great deal of discomfort and anxiety. I was so worried about where it was going and where it had come from! I had a CT scan done just before Thanksgiving to take a look at it. Also, my voice was still hoarse, so I was looking forward to asking some questions about these items at my follow up appointment. We went back up to the hospital for the appointment on December 2nd. The surgeon felt my hard lump and agreed it was a screw and told us that we could have it removed closer to home or he could do it the following week. I was told to just wait it out with my voice. The following day, I met with a surgeon close to home who was to remove my 'loose screw.' He felt the object and told me that he did not think it was a screw-so he did another CT scan and reviewed my Nov scan and determined that it was a piece of my titanium reconstruction mesh that had bent up and was now poking straight out attempting to poke out of my head. That sharp thing we could feel was the corner of the metal sheet. Unfortunately, that meant that he could not remove it. We needed to have a neurosurgeon nearby just in case-and we don't have that here!
As you can imagine, I did not want to go back to Maryland. I just had not had good luck at that place and was not interested in having yet another procedure done at all! I was heart broken that it was not just a screw. The screw removal would have been an outpatient procedure-the mesh meant more anesthesia and more time in the hospital!
We found out later that my surgeon in Maryland had not even reviewed my CT before my appointment which may be why he just guessed that it was a screw.
The mesh continued to bend and began putting pressure on my eye. I was no longer able to wear my contacts because the shape of my lens curvature had changed. After a visit to the eye doctor, we emailed my surgeon again hoping to speak with him about a fix. He set up a conference call with us. When he called, he told us that what I was feeling was just the normal contour of the mesh and that he did not see anything on the CT that showed the mesh had moved. Well, I had seen an image myself and the 3-D version clearly showed the corner of the mesh was bent up and out, but he had not seen that version of my scan. Also, I had been in his office a couple of weeks ago and he had felt the metal himself. So, after telling him that information and relaying what my eye doctor had said-he thought maybe I should have another CT, but this time in Maryland rather than here. Oh great, more radiation and more time on I-95! I was depressed and frustrated. He clearly did not believe me, the other surgeon I saw here at home or my eye doctor. I wanted to scream!
After WEEKS of basically begging to have my neurosurgeon rethink his screw diagnosis or his 'it is just the normal mesh she is feeling' diagnosis and seeking different options of having it removed, the mesh shifted again and hit a nerve on the side of my face. The pain was excruciating. We considered going to the ER but knew that would be futile. I needed another procedure. The following Monday we called my surgeon and the patient advocate office in Maryland. The next day, I was in the patient advocates office. I was determined not to leave that hospital until this was fixed. They did a CT, and decided that I did need surgery-THAT DAY! I was excited to finally have them agree with us! Surgery number 2 was scheduled for 4PM.
We returned home and to our own bed. I was still not able to do much of anything, but my mom was here to help out so luckily my support group was able to keep everything running smoothly all around me while I tried to get better.
My energy level was horrible and I was definitely dealing with depression. I had gone from always on the go to doing nothing. Horrible. My body just had no strength. Physical therapy and acupuncture really helped me get thru those first several weeks. I cried all the time. I cried because I couldn't walk to the barn. I cried because I couldn't stand in the shower. I even cried because I couldn't sit up and eat a waffle my husband had made and brought to me in bed. I cried over everything. It was ridiculous. I knew how crazy I was acting, and that made me cry! I was still having nightmares from the angiogram too.
As the swelling went down, I could start to feel a hard object over my right eye. I wasn't sure what it was, but to me it felt like a screw that may have come loose. It was moving also, and it moved along my eyebrow toward my temple. It was causing me a great deal of discomfort and anxiety. I was so worried about where it was going and where it had come from! I had a CT scan done just before Thanksgiving to take a look at it. Also, my voice was still hoarse, so I was looking forward to asking some questions about these items at my follow up appointment. We went back up to the hospital for the appointment on December 2nd. The surgeon felt my hard lump and agreed it was a screw and told us that we could have it removed closer to home or he could do it the following week. I was told to just wait it out with my voice. The following day, I met with a surgeon close to home who was to remove my 'loose screw.' He felt the object and told me that he did not think it was a screw-so he did another CT scan and reviewed my Nov scan and determined that it was a piece of my titanium reconstruction mesh that had bent up and was now poking straight out attempting to poke out of my head. That sharp thing we could feel was the corner of the metal sheet. Unfortunately, that meant that he could not remove it. We needed to have a neurosurgeon nearby just in case-and we don't have that here!
As you can imagine, I did not want to go back to Maryland. I just had not had good luck at that place and was not interested in having yet another procedure done at all! I was heart broken that it was not just a screw. The screw removal would have been an outpatient procedure-the mesh meant more anesthesia and more time in the hospital!
We found out later that my surgeon in Maryland had not even reviewed my CT before my appointment which may be why he just guessed that it was a screw.
The mesh continued to bend and began putting pressure on my eye. I was no longer able to wear my contacts because the shape of my lens curvature had changed. After a visit to the eye doctor, we emailed my surgeon again hoping to speak with him about a fix. He set up a conference call with us. When he called, he told us that what I was feeling was just the normal contour of the mesh and that he did not see anything on the CT that showed the mesh had moved. Well, I had seen an image myself and the 3-D version clearly showed the corner of the mesh was bent up and out, but he had not seen that version of my scan. Also, I had been in his office a couple of weeks ago and he had felt the metal himself. So, after telling him that information and relaying what my eye doctor had said-he thought maybe I should have another CT, but this time in Maryland rather than here. Oh great, more radiation and more time on I-95! I was depressed and frustrated. He clearly did not believe me, the other surgeon I saw here at home or my eye doctor. I wanted to scream!
After WEEKS of basically begging to have my neurosurgeon rethink his screw diagnosis or his 'it is just the normal mesh she is feeling' diagnosis and seeking different options of having it removed, the mesh shifted again and hit a nerve on the side of my face. The pain was excruciating. We considered going to the ER but knew that would be futile. I needed another procedure. The following Monday we called my surgeon and the patient advocate office in Maryland. The next day, I was in the patient advocates office. I was determined not to leave that hospital until this was fixed. They did a CT, and decided that I did need surgery-THAT DAY! I was excited to finally have them agree with us! Surgery number 2 was scheduled for 4PM.
More Back story-Surgery-Number 1
So, the weeks leading up to surgery were filled with fear and anxiety but somehow my husband and I survived them and on Tuesday the 26th of October, we headed to Maryland once again.
The drama began almost immediately as we waited for 30 minutes for our dinner pass that my surgeon had told me he would add as an order. Then we headed out for one last good meal before an unknown amount of time with hospital food. Upon our return from dinner, the nursing staff came in to start my IV. After 5 attempts, my husband had to leave the room. When the 2 nurses asked me if he was okay, I responded with "Well, he can hit an IV in a helicopter and you two are having trouble with me lying on this bed." Now, I know I am not a hard stick-so this comment was funny to me. Maybe I wasn't doing the best bonding with my nurses....The sixth stick was a success so we were set. My husband stayed with me in the room all night and we shared the little bed and tried desperately to sleep with all the vital sign checks and normal hospital sounds.
Morning came, and they came to get me and wheel me to the pre-op area. I met with anesthesia and got some more IV lines. This time with no problem! My nerves were thru the roof, but I tried to remain calm. At this point, I really had no other choice.
I remember being taken into the OR after kissing my hubby for good luck and lifted onto the OR table, but then the drugs kicked in and apparently they kicked in too well because I don't remember anything until sometime late Friday!
From what I am told, my surgery lasted about 8 hours total. Then 4 hours post-op my cerebellum sagged (that is the bottom part of your brain that is involved in the coordination of voluntary motor movement, balance and equilibrium and muscle tone). This sagging caused some of the vessels to tear causing a brain bleed-like a stroke. Not exactly what you want to happen after we just did a surgery to prevent a brain bleed! The crazy part is that this was diagnosed by my husband-not any of the ICU staff. So, he went out and yelled for someone to page Neuro and get me a CT. In my opinion, he saved my life. I am not sure how long it would have been before someone else would have checked my neuro signs and noticed it. Thank God for very talented Army Medics :-). So, I had a CT, they changed the position of my bed and pulled out a drain that had been inserted and the bleeding was able to repair itself. But, the damage had been done-even today, I can not stand with my eyes closed without nearly falling. But, that is getting better with physical therapy.
I was blessed to have my mom, younger brother, in-laws, husband and brother in law all there to support me! Oh, and Archie the German Shepherd therapy dog at the hospital.
That little brain bleed combined with the trouble I had waking up from anesthesia earned me a 5 day stay in ICU before I was moved to a regular floor.
When I was allowed to get up, I learned that I had a lot of trouble standing and walking so I was given a cane if I had to walk or a wheel chair. This was all extremely hard on me being that a week before I had run 8 miles!
Finally, it was time to be released from the hospital. My mom had been amazing enough to bring Trevor up to my in-laws who were nice enough to keep him. They live much closer to the hospital, so we headed there until I was strong enough for 6 hours on I-95!
The drama began almost immediately as we waited for 30 minutes for our dinner pass that my surgeon had told me he would add as an order. Then we headed out for one last good meal before an unknown amount of time with hospital food. Upon our return from dinner, the nursing staff came in to start my IV. After 5 attempts, my husband had to leave the room. When the 2 nurses asked me if he was okay, I responded with "Well, he can hit an IV in a helicopter and you two are having trouble with me lying on this bed." Now, I know I am not a hard stick-so this comment was funny to me. Maybe I wasn't doing the best bonding with my nurses....The sixth stick was a success so we were set. My husband stayed with me in the room all night and we shared the little bed and tried desperately to sleep with all the vital sign checks and normal hospital sounds.
Morning came, and they came to get me and wheel me to the pre-op area. I met with anesthesia and got some more IV lines. This time with no problem! My nerves were thru the roof, but I tried to remain calm. At this point, I really had no other choice.
I remember being taken into the OR after kissing my hubby for good luck and lifted onto the OR table, but then the drugs kicked in and apparently they kicked in too well because I don't remember anything until sometime late Friday!
From what I am told, my surgery lasted about 8 hours total. Then 4 hours post-op my cerebellum sagged (that is the bottom part of your brain that is involved in the coordination of voluntary motor movement, balance and equilibrium and muscle tone). This sagging caused some of the vessels to tear causing a brain bleed-like a stroke. Not exactly what you want to happen after we just did a surgery to prevent a brain bleed! The crazy part is that this was diagnosed by my husband-not any of the ICU staff. So, he went out and yelled for someone to page Neuro and get me a CT. In my opinion, he saved my life. I am not sure how long it would have been before someone else would have checked my neuro signs and noticed it. Thank God for very talented Army Medics :-). So, I had a CT, they changed the position of my bed and pulled out a drain that had been inserted and the bleeding was able to repair itself. But, the damage had been done-even today, I can not stand with my eyes closed without nearly falling. But, that is getting better with physical therapy.
I was blessed to have my mom, younger brother, in-laws, husband and brother in law all there to support me! Oh, and Archie the German Shepherd therapy dog at the hospital.
That little brain bleed combined with the trouble I had waking up from anesthesia earned me a 5 day stay in ICU before I was moved to a regular floor.
When I was allowed to get up, I learned that I had a lot of trouble standing and walking so I was given a cane if I had to walk or a wheel chair. This was all extremely hard on me being that a week before I had run 8 miles!
Finally, it was time to be released from the hospital. My mom had been amazing enough to bring Trevor up to my in-laws who were nice enough to keep him. They live much closer to the hospital, so we headed there until I was strong enough for 6 hours on I-95!
The Back Story-Pre-Surgery
So, I have decided to start a blog as a way to reflect on my recent life events and hopefully as a way to make myself see that I am actually moving forward. In order for any of this to make sense, I need to start from the beginning. Here goes!
So, in September of 2010, I was happily working, riding, and training for my first half marathon. I had finally gotten my dream work schedule in order to give me more riding and running days. I worked Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. So, my Tuesdays and Thursdays could be spent outside. Now, every year I have an MRA of my brain because cerebral aneurysms run in my family. I have been lucky and have always had normal scans, until 2010. My scan was taken in September and my doctor called to tell me that they needed a better look, so I needed to come back for a CT. Following that scan, I received a phone call asking me to leave our home in NC and head up to Maryland to meet with a neurovascular surgeon on Thursday Oct7th at 7:30AM. Not a great phone call!
So, my husband and I headed to Maryland after work on Wednesday night leaving my mom with the horses and Trevor. We were at the Neurosurgery desk around 7am on Thursday. We met with a surgeon who reviewed my recent scans with me. It turned out that I did have an aneurysm on my middle cerebral artery. It was small in size, only 4mm, but because of it's structure it was recommended that we take action to prevent it from rupture. Now, anyone who has been in this position will know that I was sitting there hoping to hear the surgeon say that we could do a coiling procedure rather than actually opening my skull to get in and correct it. Unfortunately, he believed it could not be coiled due to its shape, so craniotomy it is. He scheduled me for a cerebral angiogram for the following morning. I was devastated! As I sobbed in the waiting room, my husband called family and friends to relay the horrible news. Surgery was scheduled for Oct 27th.
The following morning we arrived for the cerebral angiogram. It was horrible! I was told that I would have medications that would make me comfortable and not remember much of the procedure-similar to what you receive for a colonoscopy. However, my medication was not strong enough, so I could feel the catheter running from my thigh all the way up to my head. It was a scary and painful feeling. I was sobbing and shaking from it all, and they had to literally hold me down on the table. Then, they started yelling at me that if I didn't stop sobbing and shaking, my femoral artery would not stop bleeding. Not exactly the comforting words I needed to hear. But, at least it was over!
The study from hell just confirmed that I did in fact have to undergo the full surgery, coiling was not an option. So, we returned home and tried to get back to life for a few weeks while we could. My husband was scheduled to deploy later that month, but luckily, because of the severity of my surgery, he was allowed to stay home and care for me. He did have to miss a trip of a life time that he had been invited to go on prior to deploying which I still feel badly about but as you read this, you will see as I have that I truly could not have survived this without him by my side.
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